Book the First

I'd like to think I am in possession of this limitless fount of genius, a fathomless pool of brilliance bubbling up from somewhere deep inside of me and clamouring to get out -- to be shared -- to be free.

That, however, would be enormously egotistical of me. And so, in lieu of being a self absorbed, narcissistic head case, I will not think those things about myself. I will however, write them, in the hopes that you'll laugh at me (just a little?) and maybe, just maybe, you'll even go so far as to continue reading.

Which would be awesome.

For me, I mean.

Cuz yeah, it's really me. It's been a while, I know, and I'm sorry. Yeah, I was that girl, remember? I did that thing, where I wrote about basketball, and occasionally took a spastically wild swipe at humour... I talked a lot about cleaning, and lack of sleep, and food... yeah, you know the one. Missed me? ...I didn't think so. Well, too bad, because I'm not done yet, and you're just going to have to deal with it. ...and yes, I will eventually do better than this (don't worry).

It was just a few weeks ago, really... I woke up one morning and I realized, there are things I need to say to the world; there are important events occurring in my life that desperately need to be shared with others. My wisdom must be spread! And so I decided I would start a blog.

Well, okay, the truth of that story is that I was dancing around the living room to My Darkest Days in ratty men's basketball shorts, a sports bra, pink rubber gloves, and a towel, and I was spotted, and it was funny, and I wanted to tell someone. And I did, but it was on Facebook, and since the almighty Zuckerberg didn't personally congratulate me on my morning's hilarity, I figured I needed a more discerning audience and obviously a blog was my means to achieving that.

Attention is a common diet staple of Facebook junkies, MySpace skanks, and Sarah Palin.

I was overcome, suddenly, with the weight of that realization: I wasn't blogging for SFU anymore -- spouting internet prose was no longer something I was contracted to do. Rather, I was so overcome, like every other exhibitionistic recluse (bonus points for an oxymoron) on the INTERNETZ, with the burning desire to be recognized, that I needed to create an online stage for myself with which to preach to the drooling masses. Oh, and they would drool. They would drool buckets.

I SAID DROOL.

...that's better. Slightly nauseating, but better. (What? I likes me a good metaphor.)

I struggled, for quite a while actually, with a title for this clearly-of-great-depth-and-worldy-importance-blog: Caffeinated Wisdom; a Paltry Pass at Poetics; This is Me Being Funny; I Are Extraneous. I needed something catchy, interesting, implicative, funny and/or deep. I wanted to be at once unique and innovative... and then, of course, I remembered just what my soapbox happened to be made of.

Yes, that is correct: I began blogging to express my individuality. I must have been drawn by the irony.

Sometimes, I dream in Palahniuk.

In all honesty, though, think of this blog more like "Tales of My Ex-Life" (which, I'll admit, was another title I was pondering): stories of, and advice from, an ex-varsity athlete (ex-athlete of any kind, in fact), ex-single girl, and almost-ex-undergrad who has yet to be an ex-caffiene addict (I truly do not see this happening) and will never be ex-OCD (alphabetization is my drug). 

It will hopefully be a source for both anecdote and advice, household (and house-hubby) maintenance, fact, fiction, and fun, and general interest and entertainment. I know, from personal experience, that the internet has highly discerning tastes (as the multitudes of available crotch-ed skateboarder, laughing baby and farting puppy videos has shown me) so I understand that this blog will not appeal to everyone -- I do, however, hope, that those who do read it enjoy it greatly, and those who enjoy it proceed to share it with their friends.

(Hint, hint.)